Gym Etiquette for Yinzers, Part 2-For Gym Users and Steroid Heads

Here is part two of my thrilling gym ettiquete installment:

Here are some tips for gym users:
-There is NO NEED TO BE NAKED in the locker room more than a minute to change clothes. Why do you have to walk around naked? Recently at the gym, this young guy talked on his cell phone, naked, for about 15 minutes, periodically staring down at his balls, and then the mirror. That boggles my mind-do you want to bang yourself? This isn't a 1950's gym class, or the army. Put your clothes on. Just because some hag told you that you had a great knob 20 years ago doesn't mean the rest of us give a shit. And old guys, WOW do you have pathetically small dicks. I thought I was small...

-Clean off the machine when you're done. That's why those spray bottles are all around. See that slimy patch where your head was? Clean it up. And stop sweating already for fuck's sake.

-Stop bullshitting and lift weights, especially if you are holding up the only Smith Machine in the joint. I have shit to do and so do others, so if you want to talk on the phone, go grab your cell and head out the door. I know you steroids love talking about your workouts, but I don't have time for that shit.

-Don't scream when you lift. I understand there is grunting involved, especially when you are pressing, but you aren't Schwartzenegger, or even close to being a professional. No need to bang weights either, for that matter.

-The water fountain is meant for SHORT drinks. See that line behind you? Stop filling your water bottle for 5 minutes asshole. If you are filling and see someone behind you, move out of the way.

-Quit using multiple machines fucko. Maybe the "hot" workout thing is supersetting, but it wastes valuable space and everyone else's time.

-Don't use your cell phone IN the gym. Can't you walk outside or to the locker room?

-Fat people...stop wasting your time. The first step to weight loss is to STOP EATING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can make this article about 10 times longer, but I think these are great action steps for losers who use the gym for recreation like others use clubs, bars or vaginas.

Gym Etiquette for Yinzers-Part 1

I know how much yinzers love their exercise. Here is a two part series about how to make our gyms more inviting, starting with better management.

Here are some tips for gym owners and employees:
-Say hello to me when I come in. If you go to any other business, you are greeted warmly. Every gym I go to has lukewarm staff. Nothing annoys us more when the workers who are human steroids pair up with other human steroids and clique off, making you feel like a douche if you can't bench 300 lbs. Just SMILE AND SAY HELLO when I come in. That is ALL I ask.
-Set the weights back with other weights and straighten the place up at night.
-Fix the equipment. Every fuckin gym has so much broken shit, from broken chairs to fucked up pulleys. It can't be that expensive, and when you sold me the membership, that is what was sold to me. If I wanted to be flaky with my membership, you would tell me to pound salt into my asshole and then threaten to take me to court for not paying, we should expect the same from you.
-Temperature is ALWAYS a problem in those places. A gym should be almost freezing. If my prick hasn't shrunk to the size of a grape, its not cold enough. Get a new AC unit, because I deserve it with the prices I am paying.
-You can never have too many machines. Go buy more.

Next time: Douchebag behavior at the gym by gym members...

Gym Ettiquete Part 2-Tips for Gym users

Here is part two of my thrilling gym ettiquete installment:

Here are some tips for gym users:
-There is NO NEED TO BE NAKED in the locker room more than a minute to change clothes. Why do you have to walk around naked? Recently at the gym, this young guy talked on his cell phone, naked, for about 15 minutes, periodically staring down at his balls, and then the mirror. That boggles my mind-do you want to bang yourself? This isn't a 1950's gym class, or the army. Put your clothes on. Just because some hag told you that you had a great knob 20 years ago doesn't mean the rest of us give a shit. And old guys, WOW do you have pathetically small dicks. I thought I was small...

-Clean off the machine when you're done. That's why those spray bottles are all around. See that slimy patch where your head was? Clean it up. And stop sweating already for fuck's sake.

-Stop bullshitting and lift weights, especially if you are holding up the only Smith Machine in the joint. I have shit to do and so do others, so if you want to talk on the phone, go grab your cell and head out the door. I know you steroids love talking about your workouts, but I don't have time for that shit.

-Don't scream when you lift. I understand there is grunting involved, especially when you are pressing, but you aren't Schwartzenegger, or even close to being a professional. No need to bang weights either, for that matter.

-The water fountain is meant for SHORT drinks. See that line behind you? Stop filling your water bottle for 5 minutes asshole. If you are filling and see someone behind you, move out of the way.

-Quit using multiple machines fucko. Maybe the "hot" workout thing is supersetting, but it wastes valuable space and everyone else's time.

-Don't use your cell phone IN the gym. Can't you walk outside or to the locker room?

-Fat people...stop wasting your time. The first step to weight loss is to STOP EATING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can make this article about 10 times longer, but I think these are great action steps for losers who use the gym for recreation like others use clubs, bars or vaginas.