Thursday, February 15, 2007

Gym Ettiquete Part 2-Tips for Gym users

Here is part two of my thrilling gym ettiquete installment:

Here are some tips for gym users:
-There is NO NEED TO BE NAKED in the locker room more than a minute to change clothes. Why do you have to walk around naked? Recently at the gym, this young guy talked on his cell phone, naked, for about 15 minutes, periodically staring down at his balls, and then the mirror. That boggles my mind-do you want to bang yourself? This isn't a 1950's gym class, or the army. Put your clothes on. Just because some hag told you that you had a great knob 20 years ago doesn't mean the rest of us give a shit. And old guys, WOW do you have pathetically small dicks. I thought I was small...

-Clean off the machine when you're done. That's why those spray bottles are all around. See that slimy patch where your head was? Clean it up. And stop sweating already for fuck's sake.

-Stop bullshitting and lift weights, especially if you are holding up the only Smith Machine in the joint. I have shit to do and so do others, so if you want to talk on the phone, go grab your cell and head out the door. I know you steroids love talking about your workouts, but I don't have time for that shit.

-Don't scream when you lift. I understand there is grunting involved, especially when you are pressing, but you aren't Schwartzenegger, or even close to being a professional. No need to bang weights either, for that matter.

-The water fountain is meant for SHORT drinks. See that line behind you? Stop filling your water bottle for 5 minutes asshole. If you are filling and see someone behind you, move out of the way.

-Quit using multiple machines fucko. Maybe the "hot" workout thing is supersetting, but it wastes valuable space and everyone else's time.

-Don't use your cell phone IN the gym. Can't you walk outside or to the locker room?

-Fat people...stop wasting your time. The first step to weight loss is to STOP EATING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can make this article about 10 times longer, but I think these are great action steps for losers who use the gym for recreation like others use clubs, bars or vaginas.

No comments: