Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Illegal Immigrants making their way into Pittsburgh

Have you heard this story? Probably not because the stupid liberal whiny douchebags that write for newspapers feel guilty for it. Police picked up 6 illegals on our OWN PARKWAY.

Now why even post this? Well, it speaks to a multitude of problems. First, the next time your neighbor is collecting an unemployment check because his blue collar work ends for the summer and he gets temporarily laid off, well, here is a PERFECT job he could do in the meantime. Laying cable is just as honorable as running a business or teaching, and this is a job that should have been available, and frankly forced on, people in our country who don't want to work or take advantage of "laid off" time or welfare time. Guess what that means for you when people off welfare have to work? Less tax money taken out of your check.

Second of all, doesn't Verizon do checks on their subcontractors? When their cable is being laid and none of the guys speak English, isn't that troublesome?? If you are smart, you will mention your disgust to Verizon about who they keep company with.

And stop all this shit about "well were your grandparents born in this country?" No they weren't and frankly that was then and this is now and I don't give a shit. If you believe in that, let's just let everyone in, so they can suck up jobs, take handouts from the government and just drain our system dry like the old hard-ons did to that pool in the movie Cocoon. Plus my grandparents saved up for years and got the authorization to come here. They didn't sneak in when they weren't welcome.

Nobody's parents were born here except maybe the Indians, and don't give me that bullshit about this being their land. Ever see that movie Last of The Mohicans? Those fuckin savages!

Viva la Pittsburgh!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Good Riddance Port Authority Routes and Dickhead Drivers

Pittsburgh Port Authority bus drivers are the worst. They are aggresive cocksuckers. That is a blog for another day, and we'll save that for the next time I have an incident with one of these dildos.

If you haven't been living under a rock, Port Authority is making cuts to its routes. People are up in arms and there are protests and all kinds of shit! Chicken Little, the sky is falling!!!

I say, fuck 'em. Here's a few good reasons:
-How many times have you passed a bus in the evening and seen 2 people on that huge bus. And I am not talking on the outskirts of town, but rather where the main route of the bus is supposed to get people. Do you realize we are picking up a huge bill for those 2 morons?
-Cars are fucking cheap. I know some people are poor, I KNOW. But we are getting into an age where things are too spread out to rely on buses. The only places buses should run are places like Oakland and Downtown where parking is not free.
-Why the FUCK should I pay for your bus when I never need to use it? It should be your problem. If they need to hike rates because you need it, again, YOU SHOULD PAY THOSE. It is the price you pay for not having a car. If your rate is 3 bucks a ride, tough shit. This isn't socialism and this isn't like roads and school systems that everyone use. Only some people use the bus. So, only those SOME people should pay for it. I don't ask you to pay for my internet even when you don't have it, and you shouldn't ask me.

Bus drivers are overpaid, undertalented assholes. Any moron can do that job. Literally ANYONE who can drive can use a bus. This isn't a teaching job, or a tough blue collar job like construction. You sit in a temperature controlled bus everyday and the worst thing that happens is a smelly passenger, an argument, or the occasional police call.

You choose to live where you want. This is America. If there is no bus where you live, then move. This isn't medieval times where you are tied to your land like a vassal, asshole.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Gym Etiquette for Yinzers, Part 2-For Gym Users and Steroid Heads

Here is part two of my thrilling gym ettiquete installment:

Here are some tips for gym users:
-There is NO NEED TO BE NAKED in the locker room more than a minute to change clothes. Why do you have to walk around naked? Recently at the gym, this young guy talked on his cell phone, naked, for about 15 minutes, periodically staring down at his balls, and then the mirror. That boggles my mind-do you want to bang yourself? This isn't a 1950's gym class, or the army. Put your clothes on. Just because some hag told you that you had a great knob 20 years ago doesn't mean the rest of us give a shit. And old guys, WOW do you have pathetically small dicks. I thought I was small...

-Clean off the machine when you're done. That's why those spray bottles are all around. See that slimy patch where your head was? Clean it up. And stop sweating already for fuck's sake.

-Stop bullshitting and lift weights, especially if you are holding up the only Smith Machine in the joint. I have shit to do and so do others, so if you want to talk on the phone, go grab your cell and head out the door. I know you steroids love talking about your workouts, but I don't have time for that shit.

-Don't scream when you lift. I understand there is grunting involved, especially when you are pressing, but you aren't Schwartzenegger, or even close to being a professional. No need to bang weights either, for that matter.

-The water fountain is meant for SHORT drinks. See that line behind you? Stop filling your water bottle for 5 minutes asshole. If you are filling and see someone behind you, move out of the way.

-Quit using multiple machines fucko. Maybe the "hot" workout thing is supersetting, but it wastes valuable space and everyone else's time.

-Don't use your cell phone IN the gym. Can't you walk outside or to the locker room?

-Fat people...stop wasting your time. The first step to weight loss is to STOP EATING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can make this article about 10 times longer, but I think these are great action steps for losers who use the gym for recreation like others use clubs, bars or vaginas.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Gym Etiquette for Yinzers-Part 1

I know how much yinzers love their exercise. Here is a two part series about how to make our gyms more inviting, starting with better management.

Here are some tips for gym owners and employees:
-Say hello to me when I come in. If you go to any other business, you are greeted warmly. Every gym I go to has lukewarm staff. Nothing annoys us more when the workers who are human steroids pair up with other human steroids and clique off, making you feel like a douche if you can't bench 300 lbs. Just SMILE AND SAY HELLO when I come in. That is ALL I ask.
-Set the weights back with other weights and straighten the place up at night.
-Fix the equipment. Every fuckin gym has so much broken shit, from broken chairs to fucked up pulleys. It can't be that expensive, and when you sold me the membership, that is what was sold to me. If I wanted to be flaky with my membership, you would tell me to pound salt into my asshole and then threaten to take me to court for not paying, we should expect the same from you.
-Temperature is ALWAYS a problem in those places. A gym should be almost freezing. If my prick hasn't shrunk to the size of a grape, its not cold enough. Get a new AC unit, because I deserve it with the prices I am paying.
-You can never have too many machines. Go buy more.

Next time: Douchebag behavior at the gym by gym members...